Smurf Wars
by Loolabelle
Summary: My first SG fic. It isnt much, but I think it is amusing. R&R PLEASE!


Smurf Wars  
  
"Teal'c, you and Daniel go that way, Carter and I will go this way, and we will rendezvous back at the north side." Colonel Jack O'Neill ordered, pointing in the respective directions. Teal'c simply nodded, as Teal'c often does, and the team separated. As Jack and Sam rushed toward the far edge of the forest, they heard someone try to sneak up on them.  
  
"Sir! Watch out!" Sam cried as she spun around and shot the follower. The man fell with a thud and a grunt. Jack went over to him and looked down, then grinned.  
  
"Sorry General Hammond." He said with a chuckle. "You asked for it though."  
  
"Oh well. C'mon sir, we gotta go." Sam said, grinning. Jack nodded, patted his C.O. on the shoulder and ran off. A few seconds later, General George Hammond sat up.  
  
"Damn." He muttered and rubbed at the bright blue paint on his vest. * How is it that I can get through two wars without getting shot, but not one game of paintball? * He thought and lay back down to wait till the end of the game.   
  
2 Weeks Earlier  
  
  
  
"Oh, pleeeze. We could SO kick your butts in ANY game." Jack said with a grin to the other Colonel.   
  
"I doubt that seriously, O'Neill. But, if you would like to make a friendly bet, and name the game, then we would happily prove to you that we can beat you at anything." Colonel Boyson said, smirking back. This had been an ongoing, friendly argument between the two for months. He watched as Jack thought about his options as their teams looked on. The were in the commissary, sitting at separate tables, and had gotten into it when Jack had asked Boyson about his good, if slightly green team. Jack moved over to his team and went into a huddle, discussing the options. Finally turning to the Boyson, he grinned evilly.  
  
"Alright, the losing team has to serve the other lunch everyday that they are on downtown for a month." Jack answered.  
  
"Hmmm…Well, make it two months, my boys need a bit of R&R." Boyson answered, and Jack agreed. "The game?"  
  
"Paintball." Jack answered.   
  
"What about Paintball, Colonel?" Came a voice from behind him. When Jack spun around, he came nose to nose with his CO, General Hammond.  
  
"Oh, Colonel Boyson and I have just decided to play a little game of Paintball to see whose team is best." Jack answered. The General nodded.   
  
"Well, just so this argument doesn't come up with any of the other teams, howabout we make it a SGC-wide challenge? Except for a team off world, and the people we need here to keep everything running smoothly, all the teams will compete in this little game of yours." The General suggested. Jack and Boyson grinned wildly at each other, and nodded in unison.   
  
Two weeks later, ironically, all the teams were home on Earth, and all but a few SGC members were there. Teams 12,4 and 5 were all eliminated by the blue paint splattered on them, and there were several other casualties laying around. It looked like the Smurfs were having a civil war. General Hammond had joined up with SG-11, since one of theirs was in the infirmary with the flu and Janet was standing by just in case someone shot another in a place that would cause damage. It was always fun until someone lost a blue covered eye…  
  
"Carter, do you see anything?" Jack asked as he trudged through the forest.   
  
"No, sir. OH, there is someone that looks familiar." Sam responded, seeing a body stir and move out of their way. Jack walked over to them and looked down, barely controlling the laughter. Lying on the ground, with a paint-covered hip, was Colonel Boyson.   
  
"First, I want eggs, over easy, then toast and some orange juice." Jack said, bending down to Boyson, who was glaring half-heartedly up at him.  
  
"Oh shut up, Jack. Besides, my team is still going." He replied.  
  
"Uh-uh-uh…. Corpses can't talk." Jack said laughing, but his laughter was cut short as a paint ball whizzed by his ear. He hit the ground and looked to see where the ammo was coming from. Crawling behind a fallen tree, he joined Carter and started to shoot back at the ambush. Finally, with a satisfying thud, they heard the sniper fall.   
  
"Whew, that was close." Jack whispered. They started going toward their destination, shooting and "painting" people as they went. Finally, they heard the intercom (someone had rigged one up that was loud enough for the whole state to hear) announce only two teams left: SG-1, and SG-2, O'Neill's, and Boyson's.   
  
Jack and his team had met up at the designated spot and were carefully picking through the forest in effort to find the enemy. Somehow, none of them had managed to get hit, although it had come close with Daniel when he decided to look at a tree's roots instead of up in it where there had been a sniper. Luckily, Teal'c had seen him and the man was now sitting under the aforementioned tree with a blue stomach. All of a sudden all blue hell broke loose. Flying paint balls surrounded them and they dove to shelter.  
  
"Carter, where are they coming from?!" Jack yelled as one hit dangerously near his shoe.   
  
"I believe they are in the patch of trees at our 7, sir." Sam answered when she dove back down from shooting. The battle went on for some time until the other team was finally painted to death. SG-1 erupted in cheers.   
  
"WE WON! WE WON! WE WON!" Jack hollered. He turned to look at his teammates who just looked back at him. If he didn't know better, those smirks hid something other than victory. Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c all looked maliciously at Jack, then glanced at each other.   
  
"What? Why are you three looking at me like th…?" Jack asked, but was cut off when Sam nodded at her comrades. Given the go, the three pointed their guns at Jack and fired directly into his padded vest. Jack looked down at himself, oozing with blue paint, and laughed. "Oh, that's IT!" he said and started firing at them.   
  
The Smurf War continued for another 10 minutes before anyone ran out of ammo and out of room to be shot. 


End file.
